Tesla (NASDAQ: TSLA) reported dismal financial results in the first quarter. Every metric of consequence -- deliveries, revenue, operating margin, and earnings -- declined as the company lost market share across China,

Tesla's first-quarter earnings report itself was a disaster, but Musk gave investors some much-needed good news on the conference call.

The electric vehicle Goliath has suffered a series of blows that have derailed its stock price, frustrated investors, and looted hundreds of billions of dollars off CEO Elon Musk's net worth. Much of the damage has arguably been self-inflicted.